Do you feel misunderstood or emotionally disconnected from your partner? Are you having the same arguments over and over without getting anywhere? Do you feel lonely in your relationship but discouraged about how to get close again?
Perhaps you’re struggling to find energy for your relationship due to busy schedules, careers, or parenting demands. Maybe you’re going through the painful process of healing from trauma or broken trust, or perhaps you’ve simply grown apart. Sometimes it can feel hopeless. You may have settled into a pattern of quiet resignation, filling your time with distractions, and trying to ignore the fact that neither of you is truly happy.
Whatever your circumstances, couples counseling can help you rebuild a stronger, healthier relationship in which you feel seen, heard and connected.
We all bring echoes of hurts from the past into our love relationship. You may get triggered when your partner unintentionally taps into one of these old wounds. When this happens it’s only natural that you would try to protect yourself, but this self-protection often takes the form of criticism, angry outbursts, shutting down, or other behaviors that trigger old wounds in your partner. These natural defenses obscure the underlying vulnerabilities that are at the core of secure, healthy bonds. When you and your partner trigger and react to one another this way the cycle repeats itself, creating a problematic pattern that can be hard to break and can leave each of you feeling frustrated and alone.
In our sessions, I will help you identify these triggers and learn how to respond differently. You will gain insight into your feelings, wants and desires, and learn how to express them more vulnerably. In turn, you will also learn how to hear your partner’s feelings, wants, and desires and receive them without reacting defensively. Thus, you and your partner will develop the ability to soothe one another rather than inflame, and to share authentically with each other, rather than defend or hide.
By transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and connection you will build the secure attachment and emotional safety needed for true closeness and intimacy.
I take the responsibility of my role as a couple’s therapist very seriously. You are entrusting me with the inner workings of your most private, valuable relationship. I take great care to respect each person’s perspective and to collaborate on creating positive changes that serve you both. There is no blaming or “taking sides” in my couples therapy process. Instead, we will work together to uncover the patterns of disconnection that are in the way of having the relationship you want. My goal is to help you reconnect with your partner and develop healthy, authentic intimacy.
The couples therapy process begins with an initial intake that typically lasts an hour and a half. During this time, I will gather an attachment history and a history of the relationship, and we will begin formulating goals for therapy. Following the initial intake, I will meet with each partner separately for one session to obtain a more detailed individual history and perspective on the relationship. From there, the three of us will reconvene to finalize goals and begin our collaboration.
Occasionally, throughout the course of therapy, there may be a need for another individual session with you or your partner, but the majority of our work will be done with both of you in session. Couples therapy sessions are typically from 50-90 minutes long and are usually weekly or bi-monthly. The frequency and length of each session, as well as the duration of the course of therapy, will be determined by the urgency of the presenting issues and your specific needs.